When a secret protects abuse and neglect, it is a lie.
When a secret is a bond that creates a sense of safety, it is a secret.
When a bad behavior is packaged into a secret, then shame has take the form of a secret. To carry this sort of shame untold, a lie, is to carry shame for another person. Like a mule.
The unburdening of this shame-lie by telling it first feels like sinking into a quicksand of your own personal hell.
Then the buoyancy back up.
It is heaven.